Casting Michigan State football figures as ‘Hamilton’ characters

Fun fact: One of the million things Hamilton never did was visit Indianapolis. So, point Michigan State football.

Since I first sat down to watch Hamilton on Disney+, it’s been on my mind.

As someone who has a vested interest in history, I came to the filmed play with a critical eye (for example, there’s no actual evidence that Hamilton and Angelica Schuyler had any romantic connection. Plus, the Schuyler family were ruthless slave traders — an omission so glaring I nearly went blind).

While there are more examples of sanitized history placed throughout the production, I have to admit, the play goes hard in the paint. For all the play’s historical dishonesty and occasional accuracy (Martha Washington did actually name a feral cat after Hamilton; I looked it up), the songs have been stuck in my head since I first sat down to watch it, and it is truly a captivating production.

Since I’m this site’s funniest and most handsome contributor, I was thinking for concepts for my next blog, and couldn’t get these cursed songs out of my skull. That’s when it hit me; I could both create an excuse to listen to the soundtrack and suck up precious SEO like lemonade on a hot day.

So without further adieu…

Pre-CFP Mark Dantonio as Alexander Hamilton

Just like his program he’s young, scrappy and hungry, and he’s not throwing away his shot. Before you ask, yes, these will be filled with quotes from the play. Apologies(?), but he’s also arrogant, unwilling to compromise, and it will go on to cost him dearly.

Dave Warner as John Laurens

Two close friends who were ideologically aligned team up to fight for a worthy cause. In Warner’s case, he paid with his reputation instead of his life, but thems the breaks when you’re dealing with short side jet-sweeps instead of the fight for American Independence

John Engler as King George III

A power-hungry tyrant who was completely oblivious to the long-term damage he was doing by chasing short-term, band-aid solutions. Who am I describing in this scenario? Exactly.

The students and fans as The Schuyler Sisters

From the first moment we laid eyes on Dantonio, we knew he was, bare minimum gonna be a decent head coach. What we didn’t see was someone who would shatter our wildest expectations. We were helpless but to trust Dantonio entirely. But, much like Hamilton, Dantonio burned us, proving that we can never be truly satisfied

Curtis Blackwell as James Reynolds

A massive turd who tried to hold Hamilton hostage for money using legally dubious means. Hm, wonder who that sounds like? Any guesses, class?

And, last but not least, the damn fool that shot him

Post-CFP Mark Dantonio as Aaron Burr (sir)

This works on multiple levels, and I’ll tell you why. Aaron Burr was notorious for not publicly taking stances (although he was about smiling more, so that doesn’t work), as well as not taking kindly to Hamilton’s brash demeanor. Burr believed in moving in silence, much like the g in lasagna, not letting anyone know what he was against or for.

In the end, it was his uncertainty that cost Hamilton his life, being unable to tell whether he was going to strike true or point his pistol to the sky.