Michigan State football: Don’t be sad about not attending games in 2020

Wait, so you’re telling me I don’t have to deal with Michigan State football game day parking and not sacrifice my buzz during a game?

Michigan State athletic director Bill “Bagman” Beekman announced a couple of weeks ago that, should the 2020 season progress as planned, Spartan Stadium would only be at 20-30 percent capacity come game days, with priority given to students and mega-donors. Translation: you probably will not be able to attend a Michigan State football game this year.

I was bummed at first, because this was going to be my first season tailgating as an alumni, which comes with certain perks (food), but I settled down pretty quickly.

In order for this joke to make sense, I’ll need to provide some context.

At work, I’ve been starting to listen to a lot of the SiriusXM channel Lithium, which covers 90s alternative and grunge. One of the bands they feature heavily is Pearl Jam. As I’ve been hearing more and more of their music, I’ve grown an appreciation for the Seattle-based rock group, which puts me in company with fellow blogger and podcaster Bill Simmons — we’re practically the same person. Bill’s most overused device to set up one of his hot takes is the phrase, “Are we sure x  thing is good?”.

OK, now that that’s out of the way: Are we sure that game days are good?

Listen, there’s nothing more electric than a packed Spartan Stadium collectively celebrating a Michigan State victory, but the peripheral hassle that takes place is very much a downer. Part of the reason why I was so eager to graduate was so that I didn’t have to deal with P.A.C.E. anymore, and you’re upset that you can’t get incredibly vague hand signals at Shaw and Bogue?

Not to mention, Spartan Stadium is still in the 20th Century, so “adult” beverages are still not allowed. But you know where they are allowed? Your couch (or your friend’s, if your state permits such interaction). And if the game gets ugly, you don’t have to stew in your car during post-game traffic (although you’ll probably stew anyways), you can just see what other games are on.

As the old saying goes, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” That first tailgate in 2021 will be a cacophony of “go green go white” chants. The fraternities will be playing Mr. Brightside so loud that you’ll be able to hear it from Jonna’s, and the jello shots will be so abound that your teeth will rot right out of your skull.

For now, the best tailgate will be in your garage, balcony, living room, wherever.

Did I mention the absence of P.A.C.E.?